You're Invited

As mentioned before, there are so many friends and family Ron and I would have invited to our wedding if things were different.  But, as it is, we had to keep the number very small so that it would be manageable for us both and not exhaust him too much.  Since we couldn’t have everyone there in person, we decided to make this ceremony public and available to all who have been following our journey. 

You’ve seen the photos from the last post and heard some of the details.  Now, here is the link to a video of the ceremony.  Huge thanks to Dan for taking the video!

Our chaplain, Vic, suggested we post our vows on here for folks to read.  Ron and I wrote our own because, let’s face it, very few people are in our unique situation and therefore any standard vows wouldn’t really capture it.  Also, I think we are write-your-own vows kind of people anyway.  So, here they are:

Ron’s:

The last 3 years have been the most magical and amazing 3 years of my life.  I met you and my life changes for the better.  You taught me what real love was and could be.  I was completely smitten from the get-go.  Our 3, 4, 5 hour phone calls were never enough, even though we were up way past our bed times.

From there, my love for you has never waned.  Instead, each day I found myself growing even more in love with you and it has never stopped.  Each day I find something that makes me love you more and more.

You’ve stuck with me through thick and thin and you’ve been here fighting this diagnosis side by side with me, helping me battle this thing.  You went above and beyond what a normal girlfriend would do, and that is when I realized that we were meant to be together forever.  Love like that isn’t something that is ordinary.  Love like that is rare and is preordained.

So here we are, 3 years to the day we became official Facebook friends, the day that catalyzed us into what we are now.  I don’t know how much time we have left with one another here on Earth, but I promise to always love you in the same way, growing more in love with you each and every day.  I promise to support you in every way that I still can.  I promise to be by your side, making you laugh and smile and see the glass is half-full.  Today, Heather Hoffman, you have made me the happiest man to ever exist.

Mine:

Ron Clark.  I knew when I first met you that I loved you.  All it took was one look across a smoky bar room into your kind eyes.  I blurted it out on the phone to you just a few weeks into our relationship.  I thought for sure you would take me as a fool, falling in love so easily.  But it was not just with anyone that I could fall so quickly.  It was just for you.  You are my match.  My soul mate.  My other.  The spark of joy that makes my heart giddy and light.  For you, I would do anything.  And I do.  I promise to take care of you as long as you are living.  To do everything in my power to keep you comfortable and happy.  To be by your side with every breath that you take.  To never leave you out of any decisions.  To tell you how I am doing at each step in the process.  To let you help me when you are able.  And when you no longer breathe, I will still be loving you.  I will always love you.  You have imprinted on my heart and soul.  Your name is on my body.  When my heart beats, it beats for you and always will.  I vow that your memory will be cherished inside me always.  I will tell everyone I meet about the person I love, Ron Clark.  I will tell them of how patient, gentle, compassionate, intelligent, funny, strong, brave, and sweet you are.  I will tell them about how you adored me enough to make me like myself again.  I will talk about how we stood up to cancer, defied the odds, and made our time last for longer than anyone thought it could.  I know this life is just one part in a cycle.  I pray with confidence that our souls will unite on the other side and we will hold each other again.  Never knowing how long we have left, I vow to make the most of each day.  And I am proud to spend these days with you, the only man who could ever convince me, the non-marrying type, to say yes.  I love you, Ron Clark, today, next week, next month, next year, and always.  You are a part of me that will never leave.

For anyone interested, here’s our play list from a little homemade CD we passed out to guests as favors.  It is made up of songs Ron and I put on one another’s mix tapes early on in the relationship, as well as ones we have grown to love together.  These are songs that make us feel happy and in love with each other.  The third song just describes our dorky selves perfectly, and always has, so we included that in the ceremony. 

1. All I Want Is You – Barry Louis Polisar
2. We’re Going To Be Friends – Jack Johnson
3. Anyone Else But You – The Moldy Peaches
4. Lasso The Moon – Kelli Schaefer
5. All Mine – Dance Hall Crashers
6. Rock Steady – Chris Murray
7. Hold On – Tim Armstrong
8. Whole Wide World – Wreckless Eric
9. Love You Madly – Cake
10. Real Love/It’s Only Life – Mike Doughty
11. Janine – Soul Coughing
12. Maybe I’m Amazed – Jem
13. My Baby Just Cares For Me – Nina Simone
14. I’ll Be Seeing You – Billie Holiday
15. Wished For You – Squirrel Nut Zippers
16. Don’t Forget – Hindi Zahra
17. Sea Of Love – Cat Power

Lastly, for anyone wondering about the readings we included in the ceremony, here is what we used.  Ron’s brother, Doug, read the poem and my brother, Dustin, read the story excerpt. 

Love

By: Roy Croft

I love you
Not only for what you are,
But for what I am
When I am with you.

I love you,
Not only for what
You have made of yourself,
But for what
You are making of me.
I love you
For the part of me
That you bring out;
I love you

For putting your hand
Into my heaped-up heart
And passing over
All the foolish, weak things
That you can’t help
Dimly seeing there,
And for drawing out
Into the light
All the beautiful belongings
That no one else had looked
Quite far enough to find.

I love you because you
Are helping me to make
Of the lumber of my life
Not a tavern
But a temple.
Out of the works
Of my every day
Not a reproach
But a song.

I love you
Because you have done
More than any creed
Could have done
To make me good.
And more than any fate
Could have done
To make me happy.
You have done it
Without a touch,
Without a word,
Without a sign.
You have done it
By being yourself.

Excerpt from the Velveteen Rabbit

By: Margery Williams

“What is REAL?” asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. “Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?”

“Real isn’t how you are made,” said the Skin Horse. “It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but Really loves you, then you become Real.”

“Does it hurt?” asked the Rabbit.

“Sometimes,” said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. “When you are Real you don’t mind being hurt.”

“Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,” he asked, “or bit by bit?”

“It doesn’t happen all at once,” said the Skin Horse. “You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get all loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”

There – now you have been to our wedding, if not in person, than in spirit.  

We thank everyone who has been a part of this journey with us.  We thank those who root for, pray for, and send healing energy and thoughts to Ron and I, even if we’ve never met or if you are far away.  We are especially grateful for the notes, calls, surprises, and messages of encouragement.  It has been a fun week this week with special packages and cards coming in the mail in celebration of our marriage and we extend an added thanks to those folks who are celebrating this happy occasion with us.  You all help to make this cancer thing more endurable.