So, why Scrambled, Open Face? Well, it is my favorite way to eat eggs – scrambled and served on a bagel, open face rather than smashed closed. It also felt like a good descriptor of what I feel this blog will be. My thoughts and entries may be a bit scrambled, because my whole life feels scrambled lately. And, open face because that is just how I am. I am honest . . . probably a little too honest, providing what may be considered too much information, detail, and internal monologue. I have a very hard time telling any kind of untruth and on the rare occasion that it happens, I am generally so consumed with guilt that I eventually find a way to come clean. So, this blog will be nothing if not an honest account of the events I experience, filtered of course by my own perception.
Oh, gosh, and now there is a picture of the eggs, scrambled and open face. So anyone who hasn’t been following this since the first entry will think it is some kind of cooking blog or foodie station, which could not be further from the truth. Those who know me know I am no cook. I know a few survival skills in the kitchen, like how to use a microwave to thaw frozen meals, boil water for cooking pasta, add milk to cereal, and make a salad from raw veggies. Beyond that, my skills are lacking, though I have lately been learning a thing or two from Ron Clark. I am shocked to report that 1) I can do more than I thought I could, and 2) I kind of enjoy it (a tiny bit).
I am fortunate enough to have spent most of my adult life in relationships with chefs. And when I say chefs, I mean chefs. Like, culinary school trained &/or working in really fancy restaurants in high positions – you know, the real thing. This has come in handy for me, since I do not cook, because I have always been able to rely on my boyfriends to handle the food stuff. I can do other things – laundry, cleaning, paying bills, etc, - but not anything in the kitchen. In between relationships, I subsisted on processed sweets, sandwiches, take-out, frozen meals, pasta, cereal, etc – you get the gist of it – kind of a bachelor’s diet of sorts. This suits me just fine, but it is no kind of a diet for Ron.
As Ron has become more disabled by his illness, his capacity to be standing in the kitchen making elaborate meals has decreased. We are quite fortunate to have friends who help us with meals, including my Food Fairy coworkers, who take turns providing one meal per week, and my lovely friend Kim, who also brings over a meal most weeks, sometimes with assistance from her father-in-law, Dennis. This has helped out so immensely in taking some of the pressure off, and we are often able to stretch these meals out and make them last. But, what about the other days of the week? Of course we still rely on my old standards, and Ron consumes his fair share of protein bars and Ensures and Carnation Instant Breakfast drinks. And sometimes, he still amazes me by getting in the kitchen and coming up with a full production meal, like a whole chicken roasted with all the fixings. But what about the rest of the time?
Well, I have started to learn a few things in the kitchen. It began with eggs. Ron used to make me eggs almost every weekend, which was awesome because he is great at eggs – all varieties of eggs. Then, he started treatment for cancer and the medication made him nauseated and eggs, with their weird texture, became one of the first things to go. He can no longer eat eggs, unless they are poached. This is the only way he can eat them now and even then, it is something he can only do with scarcity. And, it wasn’t just about eating them, even making them became a challenge for Ron. In order for me to enjoy my scrambled, open face sandwiches, I would have to learn to make them myself instead of relying on a partner to do it for me. I know, I know, I should have been doing this in the first place! What kind of independent woman am I?! I used to microwave my eggs – scrambling them in a bowl and putting them in for a few seconds and stirring again and then putting them back in for a few seconds, repeating until they were a gross rubbery texture that I could put on a bagel. Well, although I was previously dubbed “incorrigible” in the kitchen, Ron taught me how to cook an egg on the stove – a big deal for me! – and I can say that I am actually very good at it. I am now self-sufficient, regarding scrambled eggs. I have yet to learn how to make eggs all the other ways, but my goal is to learn to poach them so I can make one for Ron in his favorite way, when his stomach agrees that he can have one.
I have always been pretty good at baking cookies and apple crisp and banana bread. I have added to this trend, baking other breads and cupcakes. And, I am learning to do other things in the oven, like potatoes. I think with Ron’s coaching, I will learn enough to be able to make a few solid dinners for us. And, I have started making things on the stove top, like mashed potatoes. Last night, for the first time ever, I made chili - with Ron telling me what to put in and helping me season it, of course. Making chili also meant that I cooked meat (ground turkey) on the stove for the first time ever in my life!!! It was so exciting. I know it is not much to most people, but for me, it felt like a land mark! I was also really proud that I was able to feed Ron and myself a nutritious dinner. I plan to expand upon these skills and improve as I go. I enjoy learning from Ron and am appreciative of his patience and encouragement. This seems like a pretty big gift he is giving me – the gift of self-sufficiency in the kitchen. I will always be grateful to him for these skills and will always think of him when I cook.
As much as my culinary skills need improvement, I am good at other things. One of those things is advocating for Ron. And here, I smoothly segue into the stuff folks have been following. I continue to be frustrated with road block after road block to his care, but we were fortunate enough today to get a visit from the hospice nurse, even though Ron is no longer in hospice right now because he had to sign out in order to get his shot last week (which he did get, for anyone confused by my blog on 1/3/12). Anyway, she had some good ideas for advocacy, since I have left multiple messages for his nurse at the West Michigan Cancer Center
We are already in a crappy position with him being ill and feeling worse and worse. Having to fight each and every day is exhausting for us both. We just want his doctor to give a damn about him . . . and then back that up with action. It shouldn’t have to be this much of a struggle to get a call back from the nurse, even just to say she got my messages and is working on it. It should not be such a hassle to obtain necessary care for someone when they are struggling with a terminal illness. But, for as long as the fight is on, I will be in it, pushing all the way for Ron Clark to get his needs met. Wish me luck!
I do wish you luck, dear HeatherBelle. Maybe we should share a scrambled egg sandwich the next time we are together. Definitely one of my favorites also, but I seldom cook for myself. Good energy to you......
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